2017 couldn’t have been longer. There are many great things happened but at the same time my stress level couldn’t be higher. I am also discovering myself at a deeper level, partially because of something that is really awful.
My spring semester at FSU was solely stress if not anything else. The classes I was taking were wearing me down at a very deep level. I was exhausted by the busy work and I was not able to think about things that keep me in graduate school. I have had many moments asking myself if I was doing the right thing. My teaching was going quite well, considering my students realized how much I cared for them. I also start to realize that many students experience things that are out of our imagination, and I become more affirmative that schooling is not the only way that gets them to success. A Star Ferry Ride is performed at the FSU Festival of New Music in February by Dr. Michael Casey and Brett Chittenden, and their performance is absolutely out of the world. I couldn’t have asked for a better interpretation.
I went home in May to take a much-needed break. I feel less and less connected to the city I grew up in, and the atmosphere in the city has changed so much. At the end of the year, when I heard more about the news from the town, and I look at the posts that most of my friends share, I wonder what else we can keep for our culture and city. I also question, why Chinese power like destruction of its own heritage so much? I also spent some time collecting old music scores and recordings of Cantonese music, hopefully some time in the future I can make use of them for some studies.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression during summer, after many sad events. I am not sure if I truly have overcome what happened, but I am feeling stronger in terms of my ability to tackle problems in life.
The fall semester is strange. I decided not to take any theory classes but a private study, and I took up DSP again. I couldn’t have been happier as I do my individual studies, I have a lot of questions to offer, next year I am going to try to make peace with myself. I am once again reminded that DSP is a weird subject. For some unknown reason I can do the math, but I can never truly understand what is going on. I also took a class on medieval notation. It is a rough class, and i kept on asking why people back in those days don’t line up notes. But the last lecture my professor “preached” about how much they have influenced us, and how many questions they were asking are yet re-questioned by us these days. It make me tear up.
My car got towed once and my bike is now gone. Also, while my car did behave well for the whole year, right now its ignition is not working.
I also started the doctoral application process. Heard back from one school, noticed that I completely messed up the formatting of one of the writing samples as I edited (and am still editing), hoping more news would come soon.
2018 would be yet another year of change, but it will be much more exciting.